“Busy” Is Not A Badge of Honor
"It can't be that bad."
As I watched reels and memes from Instagram mom-fluencers about the challenges of shifting from summer to the back-to-school season, this was my initial thought. In fact, this extends beyond kids going back to school and is nearly every aspect of motherhood. The prevailing sentiment seems to be: "motherhood is hard AF and I am in survival mode”. But is it truly so? How are we perpetuating this notion for ourselves and others?
What is very clear, at least in the online universe, is the abundance of stuff moms have on their proverbial plates, the lack of support, lots of varying opinions and noise, and a dreadful feeling that even with all the things we strive to do for ourselves and our families, many moms go to bed feeling like they didn’t do or are not enough.
Lately I’ve caught myself using language that I’m not proud of. The word is “busy”. When someone asks, “Hey, how are you doing?” My response is some variation of “busy”… “So so busy,” “it’s chaos, summer break, so busy.” And more times than not their reply is, “me too!” or, “Better than not being busy.”
For me, having a lot on my plate is a good thing. I have a full-time job, I have my passion business, I have a family that needs me and loves me and I'm grateful for it. I also choose to have regular workouts and I healthy meals. Add in the typical housework like doing laundry, running errands, and paying bills and my daily hours get used up pretty quickly.
This isn't a bad thing. Not all stress is bad. Working out is considered stress and it's one the best things you can do for your body and mental health. In fact, it's said that we are happier when there is a lot going on in our lives.
So if that's the case why does saying how busy I am make me feel so anxious?
The language we choose matter. Through Non-Violent Communication, I've discovered that our words shape our perceptions and actions. Frequently declaring how busy I am turned a delightful summer day filled with activities with my daughter into an overwhelming experience.
After just a few months of concentrating on building my social media presence with Moment for Mom, I began experiencing a newfound daily exhaustion, almost by osmosis. On one hand, motherhood is widely regarded as overwhelming; on the other, being busy is often seen as a badge of honor. Regardless, this mindset was creating internal resistance for me.
After some reflection, I decided I'd be happier and less stressed if I didn't use "busy" to describe my full life. I challenge you to do the same. Here's why.
1) "Busy" prevents us from being present.
The moment the word "busy" comes out of my mouth, I start cycling through my to-do-list and it pulls me away from the present moment. When I go through my day labeling it as another "busy" day, it builds physical tension and stress.
Being present allows us to be calm and have clarity enabling us to prioritize what truly matters. From a conscious parenting perspective, transformation begins with ourselves. We strive not to pass our anxiety and chronic stress onto our children because we wish for them to lead meaningful and purposeful lives. Therefore, we must first address and ease these aspects within ourselves.
2) "Busy" is not a badge of honor.
In our society relentless work ethic is normalized but that approach has proven to increase chronic stress and burnout.
Most recently, the US Surgeon General published an essay deeming parental stress as a public health crisis. In that essay, Dr. Vivek Murthy, shared that a study by the American Psychological Association revealed that 48% of parents say most days their stress is completely overwhelming, compared with 26% of other adults who reported the same. Feelings of loneliness, having less time, the external and internal pressures, worries and exhaustion are all contributors to parental stress and affect parents' mental health and wellbeing which has a direct impact on the mental health of children.
This badge of honor does damage to our bodies, our relationships, our lives and has impact on our children. A contributing factor for most chronic diseases is stress.
3) "Busy" masks everything as negative.
Saying that your life is "busy" keeps us from seeing the positive in what we get to do each day. Simple reframing changes the effect such as, thinking of it as a get-to-do list rather than obligations on a to-do list. Yes some things are obligations but can you see how they are also blessings or gifts?
Rather than saying, "busy," using phrases with more positive connotations like, "eventful" or even "overflowing" can add more positive descriptions and feelings.
4) "Busy" keeps you stuck in the stress cycle.
In my course, Empowered in the Chaos, the key takeaway is to rest. To pause. By resting between activities, work, or transitions, you can break the stress cycle. Failure to do so may leave you trapped in a state of stress that, if not addressed, can lead to chronic stress and eventually burnout or more severe consequences.
A big reason for my passion in offering therapeutic yoga and conscious parenting to active moms is that these practices empower me to thrive not only in my career and family life but also in my personal hobbies. They give me an identity beyond just being MOM. While every day isn't all sunshine and butterflies, the tools I've learned help me navigate and even prevent challenging days.
I may not have practiced as much as I wanted or moved my body as often as I’d like when I was feeling overwhelmed, but meditation and breathing practices have been my lifeline. One of the most cherished gifts from years of yoga and meditation is the finely tuned internal gauge I’ve developed. Let me share a little secret with you... By gently turning your focus inward, you strengthen that "muscle," making it natural to notice the physical and energetic signals your body shares. This awareness, known as interoception, lets you sense imbalance and invites harmony back into your life. To me, it's one of the most rewarding "side effects" of practicing yoga.
When working with clients, I often help them uncover the internal signals they've overlooked. Ignoring these can lead to feeling disconnected, even numb, to crucial cues our body gives us. Not all resistance is inherently negative, but it’s important to recognize when it indicates something’s misaligned with our values and desires, helping us prevent burnout. This is particularly true for chronic illnesses like autoimmune diseases and chronic fatigue, which are often linked to not being in tune with our bodies. Understanding these signals is a compassionate step toward personal growth and well-being.
Through yoga therapy, you can cultivate the skill of listening to your body, a process that may take time but is worth every moment of patience and discovery. It's important to find an approach that truly resonates with you, whether it's a soothing 15-minute body scan, a comforting spine breath meditation, or a flowing yoga sequence. As a yoga therapist, I am here to thoughtfully assess your unique needs and guide you towards practices that unlock your inner awareness. Remember, this journey is about you and your well-being, and we're here to support you with compassion and understanding every step of the way.
We deserve better as moms, as parents. It is in our hands to make our wellness a priority and it takes consistent effort. "Wellness is not a state of being. It is a state of action."
There are many paths to parental wellness and I am here to guide you. Whether that is with me through Yoga Therapy and Conscious Parenting Coaching or by connecting you with other practitioners based on your needs. I believe in these methods and I am passionate about them because they have worked for me, and I have had the blessing of watching it change the lives of other moms.
Are you ready to take the first step, thrive in motherhood and expand your connection with your children? Do you struggle with finding balance through the various phases of parenting?
I'm here to help you. Send me a message to schedule a free 30 minute, no obligation discovery call or join my next group coaching cohort to Empowered Motherhood: Strategies for Chronic Stress & Burnout!